Memoir Spotlight: Forget They Were Ever Born

Forget They Were Ever Born

By Sharon Flanagan-Hyde

Paperback, 193 pages

Published October 2019

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When it comes to sharing my thoughts and writing reviews about books, I’m never at a loss for words. That changed when I read Sharon Flanagan-Hyde’s memoir, Forget They Were Ever Born. Upon turning the final page, I pretty much gave up on being productive for the rest of the day. My mind was flooded, not with words, but with emotions – easily a dozen of them. There is so much to this slim, tightly-written account of the author’s experiences as the sister of Mary Jean, a profoundly resilient woman with significant intellectual and developmental disabilities. It took me a while to process my feelings and thoughts on this book, and to put them into words.

Flanagan-Hyde shares a deeply moving story with succinct, straightforward writing. The work is well-research and detailed. The author doesn’t resort to graphic descriptions or sensational prose to relate the horrors Mary Jean endured for decades (first at Belchertown State School and later at group homes) and the stress and anguish her family experienced. Melodrama isn’t needed. The details are dramatic enough. The story is troubling and heartbreaking on many levels – from the shocking way in which people with all kinds of disabilities have been institutionalized, neglected and abused throughout our nation’s history, to the fact that one of our most vulnerable populations still suffers from such abuse today (look up Hacienda HealthCare in Phoenix).

As the eldest of five children to parents with untreated mental illnesses, Flanagan-Hyde took on a lot of responsibility to care for her siblings throughout her childhood. She never felt it was enough. As young as five years old, she changed diapers and tended household chores when her mother was incapable. She was a bright, curious child who loved to read and ask questions. Those qualities often rewarded her with tremendous pain (physical, emotional and at the hands of her father). As young as seven years old, Flanagan-Hyde was already keeping a journal and documenting her family’s history thanks to grown-up conversations with her grandfather.

This a tough read, but ultimately it is inspiring and affirming. Mary Jean finally found a safe and loving home, and the author finally found her way to understanding and forgiveness (not only of her parents, but also of herself). It takes great wisdom, courage and strength to reach that pinnacle. It takes even more to lay bare such a painful and personal journey for all the world to know. Flanagan-Hyde and her siblings have my deepest respect and gratitude for the way they have championed their sister, supported one another, and shared their story. This book gets my highest recommendation.

Book Recommendation: Travels with Charley in Search of America

Steinbeck’s ability to create a sense of place and tell an entertaining story has always impressed me. This nonfiction account of his cross-country road trip in 1960 did not disappoint in that respect. It also gave me a new perspective of Steinbeck as a man and of the era during which he lived. 

He was 58 when he and his dog, Charley, set out in a modern, fully-stocked camper truck for a months’ long journey. Steinbeck’s goal was to rediscover the America and the people he’d spent decades portraying in his novels. He took the trip in late fall and early winter, specifically to avoid tourists and engage in conversation with the average woman and man. His description of driving isolated back-roads and eating in small-town diners, of laundering clothes on the road and cooking beans on a camp stove were transporting and evocative. It alternated between poignant and funny.

Like many of Steinbeck’s works, Travels with Charley in Search of America, provided an intimate view and insightful interpretation of human nature.

Here’s one example. Midway through their travels, Charley became ill and Steinbeck took him to the nearest veterinarian. The author quickly assessed the doctor was likely an alcoholic with a serious hangover. When the vet touched the dog with “his unsteady, inept hand,” Steinbeck wrote, “I saw the look of veiled contempt in Charley’s eyes. He knew about the man, I thought, and perhaps the doctor knew he knew. And maybe that was the man’s trouble. It would be very painful to know that your patients had no faith in you.”

Though Steinbeck was unhappy with the doctor’s gruff bedside manner in the moment, he later reflected on the experience with some empathy, even a touch of compassion. “It wasn’t that this veterinary didn’t like animals. I think he didn’t like himself, and when that is so the subject usually must find an area for dislike outside himself. Else he would have to admit his self-contempt.”

This travelogue also gave me insight about Steinbeck himself and of the era during which he lived. Critical reviewers of the time lauded his searing interpretation of our nation’s shortcomings in “political apathy, environmental degradation, and strident racism.” Yet, reading many passages through today’s lens, I was struck by the irony of such praise and by a renewed sense of pride in how far we have come the past 50 years.

Steinbeck believed in racial equality. He railed against segregation. His words sang with a sincerity I believed. At the same time, some of his expressions made me wince when measuring them against today’s standards of racism.

With regard to the environment, Steinbeck’s prose reflected a man who loved nature and wild places, who championed the preservation of forests and wildlife. Indeed, he was. On the other hand, he viewed those places through the narrow view of a mid-20th century outdoorsman. He didn’t see them as ecosystems vital to mankind’s survival, but rather as playgrounds vital to man’s amusement.

In one passage, he extolled “modern designs for easy living” that made his forays into nature more convenient and enjoyable. “On my boat I had discovered aluminum, disposable cooking utensils, frying pans and deep dishes. You fry a fish and throw the pan overboard.” In another passage, he described camping in the Mohave Desert and setting two coyotes in his rifle sights. “Coyotes are vermin. They steal chickens. They must be killed. They are the enemy,” he wrote. It broke my heart, even though I know that was common, accepted belief in his day.

This memoir smashed the rose-colored glasses through which I viewed my literary hero. That doesn’t mean I no longer admire Steinbeck’s writing and storytelling talents. In fact, it may have deepened my appreciation of his work now that I have a deeper understanding for the real-life man behind the author persona. If you’re a fan of Steinbeck, or if you’re interested in learning more about life in 1960s America, this is a worthwhile and entertaining read.

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